I work in this weird place called Lost and Found. Anything that is lost on earth comes here through this tiny tunnel and I help to sort it out. That’s my job, to put things into neatly labeled boxes(which I did with the blue marker we got last week). Keychains, socks, coins, pieces of paper and all little things come through at rate which is highest on Saturday nights. That’s my busiest day. It’s quite a fascinating job, I don’t remember how I got it. I seem much more qualified.
Except no one comes here to retrieve their lost stuff, this place is poorly advertised. Sometimes I feel bad for the stuff that’s coming through. Truly priceless, it deserves to be with its owner. On rare occasions, thoughts come through. Thoughts which people lose, but are worth remembering. I always get stuff worth keeping. Once I got this thought of making a time machine, it’s my way to the big time. Anyway, i’ll tell you all about my spoils sometime later. I have to tell you about a rather strange thing happened today. And I’m writing on a piece of cardboard that just came through.
The note said “the man on the counter with the weird hair. If you find this, return it to me. Your love” I do remember having weird hair. And here is the counter in front of me with clock stopped and the calender upside down.Now the only thing I don’t remember is that who my love is. She must’ve been so crazy i that landed up in this desert of loneliness for her. And I’ve been here for so long, that for the life of me I can’t remember anything which happened before. I need to find that lost thought. It gets lonely on Mondays and Tuesdays. I’m using too many I’s because there is only me to talk about, apologies?
Now, as we speak, I’m rummaging through the neatly labeled box of thoughts. There is a lot of trash in here, people think a lot. I’ll wait till she loses the thought of me and it comes through that tunnel. Then I go find her. The genius in me says it’ll be too late then.
Starring : Akshay Kumar, Aishwarya Rai Bacchan, Randhir Kapoor, Kirron Kher, Ranvijay something, Aditya something.
Plot: Vj Aditya goes back in the past to fix his parents( Akshay and Aishwarya)’ marriage and makes them fall in love.
Firstly, let me start off by saying I was disappointed not only as a film watcher, but as an Indian when I came out of the movie hall after watching this epic masterpiece. Not only does it fail on so many counts, it also comes up with new counts and fails on them, remarkably well. If there was a counter, it would be overflowing with unticked counts.
The movie starts off like a Tanishq commercial with all the soft lighting and jazz after a 70s introductory sequence. I thought it’s clever to start off a commercial movie with a commercial (get it?) but this is actually the start. This Aditya guy didn’t leave his Vj self behind when he started doing the movie. He does most of the narrating and problem-solving, has a ever-changing hairstyle(the movie is about time travel after all) and makes me want to punch his junk out and make him Hurt everytime he cracks a joke. or breathes.
Then we see an even older version of Akshay Kumar who could not have looked more out of a hole of horrid ugliness. He is unshaven in most of the movie with a sort of green fungus like thing on his face. Even his younger self looks 50 years old (which he is) and is supposed to be sporting flare pants like a young dashing hero(which he is not).
Then there is Rajpal Yadav, Ranvijay and all of these guys. These guys look too old for their parts also. They look old for any part. Ranvijay’s part is the only funny bit where he can sing in two voices.
Spoiler alert ahead. I advice you to read on if you’re still planning to watch it.
Epic scenes from the movie:
1. Ranvijay taking off Akshay kumar’s shirt- ok so this is scene is so utterly bizarre and disturbing at the same time. He takes off his shirt to show Akshay Kumar’s a pussy, and he is so awesomely macho. Is this fucking real? This happens when they’re 70 years old and 20 years old in the movie. And Aishwarya Rai just laughs here. mindfuck.
2. Random start of songs- oh she’s looking so pretty. Let’s start another pritam song. Double mindfuck.
3. Aditya’s entry into the past- No one seems to know how this guy wearing Denim and sporting converses is doing back in 1978. No one gives a damn also. They all seem to accept him into their universe without no fuss at all. Well i guess that’s what movie making is all about, making the audience think. sarcasm@director. usuckanimalbrains.
4. Time machine- Now the time machine idea has been implemented so many times already, these guys decided to skip the details and keep this part as short as possible. It is an amazingly phony part which is amplified by bad acting, bad graphics and bad taste. Quite the insane.
Ok, on a serious note … what the fuck were they thinking? this movie is only salvaged by aishwarya’s cleavage. Which is a pretty bad excuse for spending so much money on other things. and yea, she looks fat.
I think we all have had enough of this tirade against poor ol’ Bollywood. Now, for some suggestions.
Things that could have been done instead of making ‘Action Replay’:
1. Help the poor
2. Start a bowling alley in Pilani
3. Kill Justin Beiber
4. Nothing at all.
ah, where is the knife?
There’s nothing there. Empty walls and empty ceilings. It’s could be a movie with a man watching the ceiling with a the sound of fans slowly turning, planting seeds of a contiuum of, well, emptiness.
You turn the volume knob of the radio up. The song playing brings about a feeling most peculiar. You turn the volume knob more to confirm your hunch. Yes, that song. No, that song. A ironic episode awaits, better than no pleasure or pain. You let yourself feel. There must be something so scandalous and exciting in finding your song playing. The one you guys shared. It must be Something. Technology can bring about the most primitive of feelings. Now only if it was playing at her end…would she get hung about it, as you are now?
And we’re back ladies and gentlemen, to the numbness. How does it feel? i’m sorry if you don’t feel anything right now. It’s nothing to get hung about, really. The radio has a new song.
Often when i return from the desert, yours truly is in a complete mess. With the prolific scholar’s beard, a slightly institutionalized vocabulary and the hippie smell; i’m a sight home isn’t very proud to see.
So often when i return, i like to retreat in my room and take comfort in the very efficient browsing speed of my internet. I like to stay awake when i’m dead to most of the world and fry time doing stupid things. In other words, i like to be alone… when i’m home.
It’s a funny thing how when you’re alone, you really aren’t. Not referring to schizophrenia(although that would be a good bet), i mean the various people you’ve met in real life or on-screen or paper. They form your state of mind in solitude. They’re are in your head, slowly orchestrating a grand event. In my head, events are usually grand. Like sleep is one heck of an ordeal. The people in my music collection play a huge part. Also, some people i’ve loved before, and in a harmless way; i do now. I’ve to feel the best that can be at that moment to sleep. Like a beautiful greek sculpture with sleep as the missing ingredient.
Man, it’s really fun making your life the centre of the universe.
I’m dreading going back to test-on-test-so-cold-my-balls-are-falling-off atmosphere. It’s painful to even think about it. But as Yoda must’ve said, ” this too, pass shall.”
i fucking hate the cold weather, it’s so…cold. It’s so easy to be lonely right now.
But in other news, a recent play of “Slide” by the Goo Goo Dolls has made me a little happy, in a vindictive sort of way.
here they are
And I’ll do anything you ever
Dreamed to be complete
Little pieces of the nothing that fall
May put your arms around me
What you feel is what you are
And what you are is beautiful
May do you wanna get married
Or run away
what you feel is what you are, and what you are is beau-ti-ful. : )
Can you hear bittersweet symphony playing in the background? As your audience sympathizes with your failure, you try your best to look the part. You smile alone thinking of something that’d make you smile, then you excommunicate those stupid thoughts and breathe a sultry whiff of irony.
Can you picture yourself as the hero of your movie? the one you’ll never make. The one which has long shots of you washing your face and gaining perspective in the mirror. The one with the most apt background score, maybe even Coldplay. The one with the meadows and the huge valley. The one which you don’t know the end to.
I hope life does flashes before one’s eyes before one dies, that would be one way to know where all those years went. In thinking, brooding and hypothetical situations swift came the answer.
Oh the lonewolf, the martyr, the human. Sorry to disappoint you, everyone has a story to tell.
But my story is the best. It has only me. And i’m the best.
No, you are not. You orchestrate a beautiful tragedy. But so did some of the others. They were better. Sorry.
Damn you. i’ll sell my story to someone else. You are not my master.
I never was, I don’t even figure in your goddamn screenplay.
Walk away and think again swift came the answer.
You! you, standing on the ledge, slowly hugging the world, would you have known?
would you have known if I were to tell you that you wouldn’t take the leap?
you would have, but you live in denial.
You! you, basking in your glory, feeling the rain, would you have known?
would you have known if I were to tell you the rain will stop and glory will fade?
yes you would have, but you live in denial.
You! you, admiring yourself in the mirror and edited pictures, would you have known?
would you have know that no one gives a fuck about your wicked smile?
yes you would have, but you live in denial.
You! you, spitting vitriol on others and finding comfort in voyeurism.
would you have known that you’re a weight on the world and nothing else?
yes you would have, but you live in denial.
And as you parade yourself to a sunken humanity,
onto an arid field rather obtuse,
a failure to understand yourself or the meaning
of vain or vanity, will you please choose?
A forced rhyme scheme to fit,
the rather grand scheme of things
a void filled with unintelligent grit,
to parade on us, a sunken humanity.
A nervous sweat breaks from your temple,
an unhappy ending to your sorrows,
no, you didn’t end up like John or Jim
you’re just the same as you were before.
But may peace be on you,
Family,lover or friend,
as we are on the same boat,
as you would know in the end.
As the sun slowly creeps up today to mark yet another cross on the calendar, i find myself listening to cathartic music and looking for meaning in a lunatic’s ramblings. And i think i’ve hit some solid ground on the kind of music i like to listen to.
It basically boils down to the kind of mood i am in. The mood changes frequently, it depends on the number of people around me and obviously the daily turmoil of an average college kid.
so when
1. a lot of people-
progressive rock works the best. Great riffs, great percussion, average music. No emotional quotient. Clean lyrics about love or war or heartbreak. Bollocks to it. Sometimes popular music comes into the foray, quickly dealt with by vetoes against.
Bands- Dream Theater, Rush, A.R. Rehman, Deep Purple, Led Zep, Extreme, Weezer, Van Halen..
2.With some people-
with selective company. Alternative rock and grunge. Ah, sometimes works wonders. Lots of emotional quotient. Forms the basis of good conversation. Pearl Jam takes the grammy in this category. Lyrics speak about specific situations which you relate to after considerable effort. The guitar is much dirtier but not distorted. Perfect romantic( and for Pilani, Bromantic) music. The ambience is better.
Bands- Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Alice in Chains, Cold war kids, David Bowie, Billy Joel etc..
3. With no people-
instrumentals and soft voices. I’m generally tired at this point. I tend to put myself the situation of music maker here, and vent out through that medium. I look for sanctimonious ambiance and hero-like lyrics. In short, i look for sacred songs shared between oneself or two people. The guitar has a bit of crunch in it, nothing more. Sounds pure, and divine.
Bands- iron and wine, velvet revolver, rhcp, the decemberists..
I don’t mean to demean any of the bands mentioned above, they have gems which probably people list as their favourites. I listen to these bands alone also, they just don’t seem to hit the spot so abruptly as some of the other bands, rather songs by those bands do.
I hate my taste in music because it changes frequently but i’m pretty sure i’m not the metal kinda guy i made myself out to be.
Later then, putting my earphones back on.
Digusting repulsive rancid FUCKING creatures! i cannot take them anymore, i swear to God.
It’s like Moses has to come rescue us from this epidemic. I’m seeing humanity as crickets now. And i’m literally going crickets.
How fast do these fuckers reproduce? I’m sure the population would have doubled by the time i have finished this post. UGH. AND THEY ARE DOING IT IN MY ROOM.
Yesterday, a friend and I came upon the idea the these are the messengers of satan and the apocalypse is coming. Yes, it is. Can you hear Iron Maiden playing in the background? Yes, that’s their band.
One just squatted in front of my monitor. I opened a book to find a cricket fossilized. True test of tolerance, this is.
And at night, these guys form an orchestra, slowly harmonizing their scissor-like sound . The Nutcricket suite plays in the background while people take their bowels in armour.
Someone had promised to get rid of insects if i vote for him. Enough said.
I live with them, i dream of them. Might as well eat them.
Check out the link – says they are a speciality . Tastes like chicken, they say.
clickonthis
NO THEY DONOT TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!
What will grow crooked, you can’t make straight
It’s the price that you gotta pay
Do yourself a favour and pack your bags
Buy a ticket and get on the train
Buy a ticket and get on the train
Cause this is fucked up, fucked up
Cause this is fucked up, fucked up
Lyrics from “Black Swan” by Thom Yorke( of Radiohead fame). Song for the moment, with the increasing number of tests, the mercury rising(how is that even possible?!) and the very possible inchoate loneliness. Inching closer, but not yet.
Though i’m still ok, the song speaks volumes about a situation left without moderation.
Illumination,now.
Cause this is fucked up, fucked up.
Ever get that feeling when you’re climbing up a flight of stairs in the dark and you’re not sure when the staircase ends so you just keep on taking guesses till you reach that horrible little window in space and time where you’re left thinking that the world is unfair? yeah i know that last sentence was too big to comprehend.
So are a lot of things. Like your mom. Ok no, like cities. But your old lady is incorrigible too.
I have something to confess, i want to know everything. I want to know when the staircase ends without looking at the floor, i want the doors to open when i want them to, i want to know the page nineteen news.
It’s not like i work towards knowledge, in fact according to opinions of some of my peers i’m working against it.
But i have this thirst, just not enough thirst to quench the former..thirst. It’s like an itch on the back, it’s there but i’m not willing to stress my muscles to finally provide some relief.
So i occasionally rub myself against the wall, and read wikipedia. Does not help, digs the hole deeper.
Anyway, it’s impossible to know everything. It’s an achievement to even know everything about something.
Except something that’s completely yours, like your life. Knowing what happens in it is not much of an achievement and is a rather useless piece of information. To us that is, to you it’s a gift. knock yourself out.
well, on this note; let’s end this fuck-all post.
www.thingsididlastnight.com
